


Bounty Hunter vs Fashion Designer

by Ysavvryl



Category: Metroid Series
Genre: Crack, Gen, Shopping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-05
Updated: 2016-09-05
Packaged: 2018-08-13 05:22:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7964065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ysavvryl/pseuds/Ysavvryl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You just want to get me in a dress, don't you?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bounty Hunter vs Fashion Designer

**Author's Note:**

  * For [openendings](https://archiveofourown.org/users/openendings/gifts).



> A goofy treat because it was the first thing I thought of in response to the request.

READY!

The next mission wasn't a mission, which Samus wasn't too happy with. But you had to have a good reputation. It was good for public image. For that and various other reasons that didn't seem important (but were being pushed on her so hopefully this shut them up), she stopped off at a merchant station to look into a high-end clothing store. She'd unintentionally rescued an intergalactic corporate bigwig and their family in a recent small raid, thus she'd been invited to a big fancy party. The bigwig had even arranged for her to meet up with a supposedly famous fashion designer to make sure her outfit came up to par.

Samus had never heard of the designer. But she'd never been to a big fancy party either. When she tried to figure out what it meant, she could only come up with vague notions like aesthetically pleasing foods, actual glass for wine glasses, and some kind of music for snobs. And there probably wouldn't be any fighting going on, though one should always be prepared.

What kind of clothes would she have to deal with? She knew how the chozo liked to decorate themselves, and had noticed patterns in how the space pirates made their armor beyond functionality. But for other humans, she was most familiar with military uniforms and causal clothes that weren't in the best of shape because they were on prisoners who needed rescuing. Currently, she was wearing gray pants from a military uniform, a plain white t-shirt, black boots, and a necklace made from a nonfunctional chozo artifact. The last was the only thing remotely decorative in her wardrobe. Everything else was just practical things she picked up for down time.

Well, that lack of knowledge was why she was getting someone to help her. She just hoped that no one burst in to kill her or to rob everyone here. She did have a small pistol just in case, but it might be nice to experience a normal bit of life on the high end of society. After all, it was already nice to be able to walk along these even well-lit halls and not worry about native creatures out to see if she made for a good lunch.

SET!

“This could be my finest hour,” Rodrigo said dramatically, with a hand on his chest. “For I have been challenged to take the famed Samus Aran and turn her into a beauty who will cause everyone's jaws to drop!”

“Uh, sir?” The young lady who usually worked at this story at this time shift had been excited to meet him, but already she wasn't sure if she wanted to be here. “Nobody's really seen Samus outside of her armor, so you can't know what you're working with.”

“Ridiculous, I can work with anyone,” the designer boasted. “From her work, she may be a rough one, but I have confidence that she will prove to be a diamond after all. I will take one look at her and know what to do, so be ready to fetch whatever I ask of you.”

“Of course sir,” she said.

Right then, the glass doors slid open and let in a tall muscular woman. She had blond hair, tied back in a small ponytail. She swept her eyes over the store before settling on them. “You the fashion guy?” she asked.

“Yes, and you would be Miss Samus Aran?” Rodrigo asked, going over to her. When she nodded, he grinned and took her hand. “Excellent, wonderful to meet you! I'm sure we'll really make you shine.”

“Shine?” she asked warily.

ROUND ONE GO!

The layout of this place was interesting to consider. There were three floors to it, connected with a sweeping staircase off to the left of the entrance. As each of the upper floors were shifted back, it'd be simple enough to make some boosted jumps off the walls or clothing racks to get up there instead. The racks themselves might make for some visual cover, but all the clothes would get shredded if a firefight broke out.

More worrisome, there was a vast transparent roof over the place. While it showed off a nice spacescape of the Milky Way, it was more vulnerable to get broken through. And all the fragments would shower down on anyone in the store who wasn't under one of the upper floors. Then all the clothes would be in the way and everyone's life would depend on how good the merchant station's shields were. Samus didn't like the place much.

She liked this clothing even less. “How am I supposed to run and jump in these shoes?” she asked, feeling like she had to constantly watch her balance in these high heels. They might work to fight someone off with in a pinch, but only if she took them off and whacked them with the heel.

“They're made to enhance your feminine charms, not to run about in,” Rodrigo said.

“Then what's the point?” she asked.

“Good aesthetics are the point,” he said.

Samus shook her head. “No. If I can't run when needed because of my shoes, they're no good.”

ROUND TWO GO!

“This is a lovely classical look which completely changes your profile,” Rodrigo said in approval, trying to encourage Samus to turn some to see how the corset dress looked when moving. “Style your hair to match, add some appropriate makeup, and you'll captivate everyone who sees you.”

“No makeup,” Samus said stubbornly.

“But to really achieve the height of beauty,” he started to plead.

“I will not wear makeup,” she insisted. Which was a pity. She did have a natural beauty, but a few expert touches would surely magnify that. Samus then tugged at some of the lacing. “And this took so long to get on. Am I supposed to tear it off if I need to get undressed in a hurry?”

He had to chuckle at her boldness. “Well now, hoping for some romantic intrigue at this event?”

“What would make you think that?” she asked. And she didn't even seem sarcastic. “There's no way I'll be able to get in my suit with this thing on. And there's not even a pocket or opening to get to my pistol, that's useless too if I can't get to it.”

“You have a pistol with you?” he asked, puzzled.

“Of course I do,” she said, but wouldn't elaborate on where it was.

ROUND THREE GO!

“This is nothing like armor,” Samus said. She was long past annoyed and getting tired of this ordeal after a dozen attempts.

“Well it is based off fantasy video games, so it may not be like the armor you're used to,” Rodrigo said. “Looks nice on you, maybe if we add a bit here and there...”

“This needs more than just a bit added,” she said, patting her bared and toned abdomen. “There is so much skin exposed that you'll die in one hit with this on. All the ribbons and dangly bits are just asking for trouble; they'd get caught in a door, or hooked onto something while you're trying to wall climb. And what's with the design of the top?”

“It's made like a breastplate, to feminize the armor,” he explained.

She shook her head. “It's a horrible design. I could punch it and make it crumple, piercing right into the wearer's rib cage. No wonder the military brass is surprised that I'm a woman if this is what people expect a female warrior to be wearing.”

“They don't expect this, it's for fashion,” Rodrigo said, trying to keep his cool but he was getting frustrated.

“Fashion makes a lot of silly decisions, especially with not giving me pockets.”

Not long after that, the fashion designer almost screamed in anger and decided to storm out of the store instead.

VICTORY TO SAMUS!

“This isn't good,” Samus said, although she did look forward to getting out of this useless fashion armor.

“I was cringing myself at some points,” the clerk nearby said, giving her a sympathetic smile.

“This is all so strange to me, but I guess I’m the strange one instead,” she said. “Still, I’m supposed to be attending this party to enjoy myself, whatever that means. I enjoy myself enough when figuring out how to use gear in ways it wasn't intended. Hmph, I'm not cut out for normalcy.”

“Oh, don't be hard on yourself,” the clerk said. “Actually, this whole time when Rodrigo was trying to find an outfit for you, I kept thinking that he was forgetting the most important thing about fashion.”

“What do you mean by that?' Samus asked, looking over at her. “He's supposed to be the expert.”

“Right, supposed to be.” She shook her head dismissively. “The most important thing about fashion is making sure that you feel beautiful. You could wear whatever's trendy at the moment, but if you don't feel good in it, you'll only be unhappy.”

She thought about it, then shrugged. “I suppose that's important. I've only ever cared about how protective something is. When I’m on hostile planets or where other beings might want to kill me, I feel better wearing something that's going to keep me alive longer. But my armor apparently isn't appropriate attire for a party.”

“That would be important for you,” the clerk said. “Also, I noticed he wasn't really listening to you. I was, so if you don't mind, I think I have something that could suit you well.”

“You know more than I would, so what've you got?” Samus asked.

A few minutes later, she came back out of the dressing room with the clerk's suggestion on. It wasn't a dress, unlike everything Rodrigo had her trying out. Instead, she had black pants and shoes, a slim gold belt, a snug white shirt with white buttons, and a rather short black jacket with gold buttons and trim details. The pants were a little loose around her lower legs and might get caught on something, but that wasn't as bad as some of the dresses. They even had good pockets she could keep something in.

“These flats are nice enough for a formal event while not hindering your movement,” the clerk said, then touched the artifact necklace. “And I'm glad we had some pieces to match this lovely necklace of yours. When you walked in, I noticed it right off and thought a good outfit could be built around it. What do you think?”

“I'd still want to change out of it if a fight breaks out,” Samus said, glad that she could still wear the necklace. As she usually kept it in a box in her ship to keep it safe, it would be nice to use it for once. “But I like it better than all the rest of those. So if I feel good in this, that means it's beautiful?”

“Of course, I think you look lovely in it,” she said, though she might just be complimenting her as a customer.

Even if that was so, Samus felt like she could agree to that. “I feel good in my armor, so that must beautiful too.” Then she laughed at that, making the clerk laugh too.

This trip had certainly been a success.


End file.
